I find myself back at the key board composing another blog after another loss. I feel like if time allowed I would write more than I do now. I am constantly composing these in my head even if they never make it to print. I think it is a tool I have learned to put things in perspective, learn how to move past things and deal with grief.
We have recently lost a member of our extended family. A dear friend not only to us but to so many others. Thomas Clayton has been in my life for about 12 years or so. He has been a friend to my husband for even longer, probably closer to 25 years or more I am not sure. They met in high school. They lived in “Tom’s” house for awhile LOL That was always the story when we were making our way to Manito or Forest City, he would tell me of all the fun they had at that house. The memories that still put a grin on my husbands face whenever he tells me about them.
I know everyone loses someone at some point in their life and it is hard to know how to grieve or how to live without that person in your life but this one has been exceptionally hard it seems. I think part has to do with not having seen him in months prior to his passing, part is because we have lost many at this very same time of the year and part is because he did not want a visitation or funeral. I respect his wishes but I do believe those events help bring us closure. Right now it still seems so unreal that he is even gone. He always said he was living on borrowed time, he knew his health would not carry him into old age but I can’t help being selfish in wanting more time, one more conversation, one more shared joke or one last pep talk or kick in the butt I might need.
When I have all of this going through my mind non stop I find myself with so little patience with people and their every day whining. I have to restrain from wanting to grab them and shake them until they are grateful for the life they have! We take so much for granted these days it is sickening…I don’t have a perfect life and I could list all of the unfair things life has thrown at me but you know what? I would rather sit back and count the blessings I do have…I am lucky to have the best man in the world as my husband, best friend, partner in life, I have 4 beautiful healthy successful children, I have a roof over my head, clothes on my back and food in my belly whenever I want. I guess maybe not always having the easiest life has shown me to be more grateful or maybe its the losses in my life. Whatever it is I am glad I have it.
Life can be incredibly hard but how you feel and how you react and what you do to make the best of everything really determines how hard life really is…if your life is NOT what you want it to be then what are you doing to change it? Do you have a plan? Are you working your plan?
Life really is so short. Make the most of what you have, change what you don’t like and DECIDE to be happy. Most importantly tell those in your life that you love them, that they are important to you or there will be a day when it is too late.
I hope the next time I get a chance to write it can be all about happiness. I have so much to be happy about but right now my heart is heavy with loss.
Until next time….
Live, Love, Laugh